Tradition 5: 'Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic that still suffers'
Something I have found key recently is the need for honesty. Honesty for me is one of the main components within recovery. To admit what we were, and are, is a huge step forward - only when we do this can we truly start to recover.
Honesty must also be carried forth when sharing at meetings. I have attended certain groups where the sharing is uniform and all too squeaky clean. It is important to be aware of what you are sharing and how this will affect the newcomer. I have experienced meetings where the sharing from the core of the group is all the same. Everyone has been rocketed into the 4th dimension. How everything is just perfect. How they have a life beyond their wildest dreams. Quite often there is a heavy emphasis on the book, sponsorship, with an undertone that if these avenues are not explored something unpleasant will happen to the poor newcomer. Though I am an advocate of the big book, the steps and a sponsor, ramming it down some poor newcomer's throat, in my honest opinion, serves as nothing more than repelling them away and damaging the reputation of the majority of AA people who genuinely care.
I have experienced people sharing about how the groups they were in were all sharing about how great things were - the person concerned was puzzled as they did not feel that way. In my view I don't feel that it is possible to have sunshine beaming from every pore all day every day. No one can never have a bad day. Sometimes when I hear this uniform drivel it smacks of religious frenzy. Whether the individuals are aware of the detrimental effect this manufactured, repetitive spiel has on newcomers is another debate entirely. I know it's not good though.
The obstacles and sometimes painful experiences that sobriety throws at us do not disappear simply because we have taken the steps and worked the programme. It is important to recognise that as we live life on life's terms we find that yes, real life can be bloody hard at times. It is important that we stay positive, but also reflect that this recovery business can be bloody hard work at times. What I have seen as a result of the uniform 'happy, joyous and free' gang is that newcomers come in, can't relate to feeling great all day every day and assume one of two things - 1) That whatever is going on they can't get it because they don't relate to the drones sharing and 2) That because they don't feel that way all day every day - AA must be a load of cobblers and they go on their merry way confused and back out of the door. In my experience, meetings where people are brutally honest are shunned and deemed 'sick' - their crime, telling it how it really is. Why is this?
There is no doubt in my mind that AA works, and life does get better, but a reality check is also needed.
On the level of personal responsibility, I feel that it is also our duty to be very cautious about becoming part of a group within a group. I feel it can be damaging on 2 fronts. It can alienate the newcomer entirely and lead to them leaving the group and possibly AA. I have also seen instances where the individual goes down the dishonesty route. They want to become part of the inner circle and therefore share dishonestly just to fit in. After all - the big book says ' no man wants to admit that he is bodily or mentally different from his fellows'. Being caught in this rut also discourages regular members from attending other meetings - thus denying them a mix and range of different views and sharing, denying them the experience or a bigger range of human experience in AA. In cases like this, the path really does become narrower, and eventually so do people's viewpoints.
Don't get me wrong, a good dose of common sense and balance is always a great remedy for the above, but we are talking about people who are new to the fellowship and may well be desperate.
I hope the above points are valid for anyone reading. “
(our thanks to the AA member who sent in this contribution)
Cheers
The Fellas
